May you be the woman you want to be in a man's world

Shobha Shukla– CNS
Contd from previous issue
a married woman, irrespective of her social and educational status, is expected to fast at least once a year for the wellbeing and long life of her husband. Instead of debunking the myths associated with it and questioning the rationale behind it (there is no reciprocal fast mandated for men), this fast (called ‘karwa chauth’) has been glamorised by the show biz industry and celebrated with a lot of fanfare. Then again, there are special fasts to be kept by a mother for the well being of her son(s)- provided she begets one. But none for the daughter.
Gendered division of labour deprives girls and women of equal opportunities for education, work force participation, economic activities as well as leisure activities. To add fuel to fire, we categorise women into being working women and homemakers- as if those who also work outside their homes are ‘home-breakers’, and also that ‘those who do not earn a salary do not do any work’, as all household and child rearing chores come under unpaid labour.
Women applying for high profile jobs are often asked ‘if they have any plans for marriage’; ‘if they have children’; and ‘how they will manage office and childcare/housework’. Has any man ever been asked these questions ?
These are just a few examples of socially accepted harmful gender norms and cultural practices that wrongly normalize and justify gender inequality. Gender inequality also sets the underlying tone for violence against women and girls. Women also suffer emotional violence while being forced to, or trying to, conform to social norms. This makes them very vulnerable to other forms of violence, and more difficult to seek help.
Yes, there are some so called modern families (read men) who 'allow' and 'permit' their womenfolk to wear modern clothes, take up salaried jobs, and enjoy some leisure once in a while. Such few and far between women are deemed fortunate and are expected to be grateful to have landed such a progressive husband who maybe makes breakfast or does housekeeping once a week.
But who gives him the right to decide for her ? Why should she take his permission by default ? Why should she be grateful for being allowed to move freely within the limits and boundaries set up by him ?
It is high time to seek and demand answers to these and myriad other questions from the menfolk- be they our fathers, brothers and husbands- as well as women indoctrinated by them to accept the status quo.
As a sequel to ‘May you be the mother of a hundred sons’- a thought provoking book by Elisabeth Bumiller, on the lives of women in India - I wish that ‘May you be the woman you want to be in a man's world’.
(Shobha Shukla is the award-winning founding Managing Editor and Executive Director of Citizen News Service and is a feminist, health and develop- ment justice advocate. She is a former senior Physics faculty of Loreto Convent College and current Coordinator of Asia Pacific Regional Media Alliance for Health and Development (APCAT Media) and Global AMR Media Alliance (GAMA). Follow her on Twitter @shobha1 shukla or read her here www.bit.ly/ShobhaS hukla)