Raise Life not Form

Dr Sumedha Kushwaha
Raising children is not just a routine for most of the people, but it’s both an intricate ‘act’ of art and science. I use the word ‘act’ because that brings objectivity to a complex subjective experience of rearing a baby.
Some couples want to be parents and have troubles conceiving a child, others do not think it is the right time, but still have the fortune of nurturing a life within them, and for many others the process might be right in time.
I understand one thing, that any life that has to see the light of the day and has to enter into a human form will appear in some way or the other. We be prepared or not, this shall happen! I might not be the best mother on planet earth, but I am just an observant one.
When we detach ourselves from the act of producing, loving, and a raising child, this observation is possible. As a mother, I understood that I am no more than a vehicle for a human being to come in this existence. The child is your flesh and blood but is an independent organism with a soul. We are all connected to an infinite source of energy, one which is the creator and destroyer of all things. The construction and destruction is in its perfect order to create harmony in a thing as small as a cell in the  human body to things as big as asteroids and meteors.
The act of raising a child when done without overt attachment and possessiveness might help you become a better parent. When we look at the child through the lens of our past personal experiences, present circumstantial worries and the view of a brighter future, we not only lose the power of construction of a bond but also destroy a significant part of independence in the child.
Parents who love their children a lot- please be mindful of your emotional attachment to the child. Emotions and attachment are not at all bad terms, but the connection you might want to forge should be with the divine power that created you and the child alike. In the eyes of the lord you and child are equal. My love for the divine universal intelligence helps me understand that I am no more than a facilitator to this life, I have given form to. And love and bonding can be made when I as a human being am happy with relationships with the divine force, myself and people whom I choose to spend my life with.  
For a parent to be happy in his/her own life is crucial for a child’s development because that’s how they would aspire to be. Some children, overly pampered, can never find their feet in lives because their decisions are always taken by a parent. On the other hand, some are neglected, which creates a sense of insecurity.
You don’t plant a tree, you sow a seed. Similarly- see this seed grow. Nourish them with basic necessities in life, moderate level of expectations and a high value based system. Help them understand richness and poverty alike, teach them attachment and separation, instil lessons of indecision and hasty decisions, don’t try to be a role model- help them understand that you are in your journey too. As parents, we aren’t perfect for sure, but help them evolve- don’t cut on your quota of happiness or adventure because you have to set a good model. Humans are not good at sacrifices. That’s something that dwells in you, it grows and amounts to a form of energy which can be harmful to growth and progress later in life.
Children are very understanding, more intelligent than you. When you love them with a genuine emotion, they will eventually understand why you behave in a certain way or what triggers you or what’s a win-win for both. But as adults, we aren’t very understanding- because we are too determined to make a perfect scene for them; and life after all teaches them the hard way! They are seeds, let them grow in the open. Help them develop into a good human being; don’t overshadow them. Give them luxuries of life; don’t make them dependent. Love them; don’t get too attached.
Very personally, in these years- I saw my child as a form of the divine. Time that we have in this lifetime which we spend together, I feel is my time with the divine. But at the same time I understand that he and I originate from the source eternal force and probably in this existence, it is my job as a mother but eventually it’s my service to the universe. The constant is the source.